Decommissioning a boat sucks. It’s hot, dirty and you know you won’t see your beloved boat for a long time. There are dozens of tiny bits of canvas to tie on the windows to protect them from sun damage, piles of ropes to wash and dry, and many things which must be somehow stuffed inside the boat or cockpit so they don’t blow away during a hurricane.
And, to top it all off, at the end of the decommissioning process we had a rather memorable overnight bus ride back to the U.S. It was one of those bus rides where the time to your destination is doubled because the bus stops at so many places along the way. Plus they kick you off the warm bus and into the cold night several times to clean the bus and go through customs. Basically, they torture you as you try to sleep. But the grande finale was after nearly 12 hours on the bus we were dropped off at 5 AM in an empty parking lot in Tucson, Arizona. There were no open businesses. Everything was dark and quiet.
Then things improved. We took a taxi to the most wonderful AirBnB in Tucson where I got to pet a dog, bird and cat when I arrived. The backyard was a peaceful sanctuary with bird feeders outside the window and the sounds of chickens clucking from a large pen. The cat, Chico, was beautiful, loved to sit on laps and came when called. He was a dreamy cat. Animal therapy worked and I felt better right away.
We went to get our Sprinter and Jeep from storage and found the Jeep had a drained battery which was too old to accept a jump. We got a new battery and Brian tried to install it. The wires attached to the battery were too corroded and they fell apart. Back to the auto parts store we went for a second time.
Brian was able to get the Jeep working pretty quickly after we got the parts. We went off to tackle errands, one of which was getting Brian a nice outfit for an upcoming family trip to New Jersey to celebrate our brother’s graduation from Princeton.
We shopped at REI and found a very nice outfit for Brian, one he may actually wear for occasions other than the graduation. However, we were both so sleep deprived that we somehow left the outfit sitting on the bench in the shoe department. We purchased other items at REI, and neither of us noticed the outfit was missing until we drove to the airport the following morning. By then it was too late to buy anything else. Luckily Brian’s family understands his casual nature and no one batted an eye when he turned up in board shorts and a tech tee.
I purchased a couple dresses online beforehand. Luckily, one of them was perfect so I did not have to do any shopping in Tucson. Whew! I was really not rested enough to go solo dress shopping at the mall.
The trip to New Jersey was awesome. We enjoyed lots of good family time and the graduation events at Princeton University were well done with great food. Also, the campus is beautiful and we loved walking around everywhere. We once again lucked out with a great Airbnb next to a forested area with hiking trails.
After the trip to New Jersey I was exhausted. Our plane landed in Phoenix and it was nearly 100 degrees and forecast to get even hotter. It was way too hot for van life. The van wasn’t really ready for living either, with no food, water or organization. No way could I move into the van that day. I fired up hotels.com and by a stroke of luck, saw a room with a jacuzzi tub for only $14 more than the cheapest room I was about to reserve.
It may have been the best $14 I ever spent. We spent two days in the motel room and I practically lived in the tub. The body wash the hotel provided foamed up into huge clouds of bubbles. I could hear the bubbles popping softly all around my head. I floated motionlessly in a soft, warm bubble cloud and all my stress melted away. I ate breakfast in the tub. I watched tv in the tub. I wrote emails in the tub. I did everything possible in the tub!
We also found a fantastic Thai restaurant nearby and ate there twice. I went shopping, did laundry and organized the van. Now the van is a peaceful, pleasant place, and we are living happily in it at a free, forested vagabond spot near Sedona, Arizona.
We made the transition! But I always forget how hard it is, and next year I’ll remember I need a really big bathtub during times like this.
For years I did the tiny house swoon. Now I finally live in one! For me, living tiny means more time and resources for the best stuff of life: adventure, exploration and growth. And let’s not forget FUN.
Our tiny house floats and has four bedrooms. It makes its own power and water like a little off-grid cabin, but is a 39 foot long sailboat; a catamaran with two hulls. Sailors around the world know the tiny house movement began centuries ago at sea. Boats are designed to be as small as possible and to utilize every nook for storage.
We split our time between living in a sprinter van in the U.S. and cruising aboard our catamaran in Mexico. I never really liked van life in winter anyway. Winter is the perfect time to go to Mexico. Plus, these two unconventional “tiny houses” provide unprecedented flexibility. These homes are doing something for us, not just sitting there sucking up a paycheck!
Our boat is named Magic. She is designed with miniature, dollhouse-like rooms. She is rectangular in shape with dimensions of 39’ by 21’. Several hundred square feet is taken up by boat stuff (mast, anchor lockers and trampolines), leaving about 500 square feet of living space.
The designers found a way to squeeze four bedrooms and two baths into 500 square feet without sacrificing a full kitchen, spacious pantry or dining table for 8. What I like most is that every room offers plenty of storage to reduce clutter. We keep an extensive inventory list of the items in each cabinet, a must when there are this many!
We enjoy spending a lot of time in the salon, which is similar to a living room. Our LED television and stereo system provide for our entertainment needs. There is plenty of room for both of us to stretch out.
The four bedrooms each feature a full sized bed, a sink and storage. Skylights help these rooms feel bigger. My husband and I live on the boat with occasional visitors, so we turned one of the bedrooms into a storage room.
The bathrooms are meager, with only a toilet, shower and single cabinet. Our toilets pump the waste directly overboard, which is typical in Mexico. That’s a dirty little secret I’ll bet you didn’t know about boats.
One of our bathrooms houses our magical watermaker, which turns salty seawater into high quality drinking water. This intricate machine uses a high pressure pump to force salt water through multiple filters and membranes until it emerges salt-free and delicious on the other side. The watermaker’s guts are on full display in this video.
Unlimited water is wonderful. It opens up all sorts of possibilities…like taking regular showers and washing dishes. We also have a diesel water heater made by Webasto, which sips a small amount of diesel and heats water in a tank in the engine room. This means HOT SHOWERS. Now, that is luxury. We also have a total of 630 watts divided between four solar panels. There are two 215-watt panels on the back and two 100-watt panels on top. Free utilities galore!
The pantry includes shelves and drawers from IKEA. We stock up on food and then enjoy remote places for weeks at a time. Our grocery trips are often dramatic events where we purchase hundreds of pounds of provisions and it is great to have a place to put all that food. It is easy to find food when cooking, too. No more digging through cabinets looking for ingredients!
Magic’s outside decks are the best place to spend time, where sails fly and the sky lights up with gorgeous sunsets. Each whale splash, dolphin jump and manta ray flop reinforces the feeling that this present moment, and making the most of it, is what matters. There are beanbags and pillows in the cockpit and trampolines at the front of the boat. This is our front yard, only without a lawn to mow (thank goodness, I never liked mowing the lawn anyway.)
There is always room for a garden, though. Here is our herb garden which is mounted on the back of the boat. Brian found a teak box and built a custom plexiglass box to fit inside. The plexiglass box can be removed if big waves threaten the plants.
I love gardening and it is great to have fresh food. Some boats have complex hydroponic gardening systems to grow more food, but we are keeping it simple for now.
There are many places to live at marinas around Mexico, but we prefer to drop our anchor in the white sand of a secluded turquoise bay. These dreamy places are the stuff of fantasies, and I feel grateful to be living tiny.
Want to see our boat, Magic? Check out my video tour below and you’ll feel just like you’re aboard!
Getting there wasn’t mellow, though. We went into the wind and the motion was pretty unpleasant. Brian went below to work and I watched the boat as she slammed up and down on small waves. Several hours later we were stoked to see the island with pretty orange walls rising high in a pyramid shape above a pebbly gray beach.
This was a secure place to stay; we anchored in 50 feet of water well away from shore. We settled in and soon went for a dive. It turned out to be beyond dreamy and one of our favorite dives in Mexico. Every now and then one of those peak experiences in life sneaks up on you when you least expect it. This was one of those times.
This dive site looks like nothing special from the topside. It’s a small, flat rock with sea lions lounging on top. Underwater treasures await below the surface. My friend Leanne told me about a beautiful, coral encrusted cave here, and now we were about to find it. There were no words that could do this cave justice. It needed to be seen and felt. We dropped into the water and descended.
The cave had three openings large enough for a person to swim through. The cave entrances were at depths of 20-30 feet. One curved entrance was decorated with orange and purple sea fans, a foot wide, lined up in what seemed to be a somewhat organized fashion. Small orange cup coral, puffy and soft, was sprinkled liberally on the walls.
I swam slowly into the entrance lined with sea fans, the largest one, and smiled as I saw lobsters poking shyly out of a hole in the floor. Small fish peered at me from holes in the wall. This cave was like a giant block of swiss cheese with many holes to offer sanctuary to small creatures. Now there were two big black diver fish in the cave! Light filtered in from the openings, providing enough light to see as I moved further inside the cave.
The coral was in good condition and we were careful with our movements in the confined areas. I drifted toward a colorful wall and found it completely encrusted with many corals competing for space. Everything was orange, yellow and purple, twisting together in the most grotesque and beautiful shapes.
I’ve never been diving in a cave or a cavern. Swimming through this lovely cavern was an exhilarating moment. A first. It was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen.
This was a fascinating place which felt safe to enjoy. I felt pretty hesitant about the large sea lions lounging on the rocks above the cave. Sea lions and caves seem to go together, and encountering those beasts in the small cave was not my idea of a good time.
The sea lions did not appear while we explored the cave, but we saw one swooping through a school of fish later on in the dive. He wasn’t interested in us.
This island adventure, along with Las Animas, has turned us on to some new and stunning diving in Mexico. We’ve spent a lot of time exploring during our last two winters of cruising in Mexico, and this winter we are finding the most incredible places!
Mostly we’ve been curious about Las Animas, which was described as one of the best dive sites in the entire Sea of Cortez by the book “Under the Sea”.
First we visited Isla San Jose and explored a mangrove lined river. It cut across the entire island, with gorgeous turquoise water and fascinating birds. This island was nice but busy. We decided to move on to Las Animas the next day, where we hoped to find solitude.
We had a good-enough weather forecast and departed early. Soon our next island was visible on the horizon. It was merely a chunk of rock jutting out of the ocean far offshore. Our guidebook described the other small islands in that area but was silent on Las Animas, merely marking it on the map. Was it an unknown treasure waiting to be discovered, or a place boats don’t typically go?
We arrived to find a dramatic coast. No sandy beaches here. How will we anchor? We approached the island carefully and Brian guided Magic into a spot with a small amount of meager protection – two rocks jutting out of the ocean.
We lowered the anchor in 90-100 feet of water. Our entire chain was out, all 225 feet. Magic was being pulled away from the rocks by the wind and current, so the rocks felt a safe distance away. Later on, in the middle of the night, the wind would shift and start blowing Magic toward the rocks instead of away from them. Not good.
Never mind that for now. It was one of those golden days where conditions were perfect and anything seemed possible. We were loving the exceptional visibility in the water, too. The 70 foot visibility was the best we’d ever seen in the Sea of Cortez and the marine life was fantastic.
We saw impressive schools of fish and I will always remember the turtle we met. He was trusting and friendly, and allowed us to follow him around for a long time as he fed. We swam around a small pinnacle together, fast friends, this turtle and we.
Usually turtles are shy and the ones I’ve met fled the moment they saw me. This was my first time observing a turtle doing “turtle things”. Feeding, diving, breathing, existing. Fantastic.
The turtle sliced through the schools of fish, surfaced for a quick breath of air and then swiftly dove down 30 feet or so, scooping up prey items along the way. We guessed his prey items were small jellyfish. We saw a lot of them at Las Animas; luckily they were not the stinging variety.
What a fun day! We enjoyed a calm evening and went paddle boarding around the bay. It was like we were the only ones in the world out there. We felt the special-ness of being able to stay overnight in such calm conditions.
At 11:45 PM we heard the wind start. It was easy to ignore at first, hopefully it will just go away. But then our wind generator started up and big waves were beginning to rock the boat. I got up to take a look at conditions and found a disturbing sight.
The moon was full, and the white waves crashing on the rock wall behind Magic were illuminated brightly. And the wall was much closer than before. The wind had changed direction and was now blowing us toward the rocks instead of away. I wanted to have faith in our anchor. I really did. But the rocks were uncomfortably close and this was the deepest overnight anchorage we had ever used. I started to think of the “what ifs”.
There I was, at one o’clock in the morning searching for my PFD which I haven’t worn in months. Liveaboards are notoriously bad about PFD use. Yes, I know, I need to be better! Found it. Then there was nothing else to do but sit in the cockpit with my PFD close at hand and watch frothy waves pass under Magic and roll on toward the wall. First they would crash into the bottom of the boat with a loud thud, then a minute later crash into the nearby rocks with a big splash, and then finally a shower of little white moonlit streamers shot up from the base of the rock.
How did we get into this predicament? We should have been choosier about the weather forecast. There were winds in the teens predicted for tomorrow and they came early. We should have only come here when there was no wind predicted at all. And spending the night at such a marginal anchorage was not a good idea. We could have gone diving here for a day and then gone somewhere else for the night. Could have, should have. Will next time.
After an hour conditions stabilized and the wind speed decreased. When ocean drama is threatening, I sit around fantasizing about a decrease in wind speed. I hope for it, watch for it, anticipate it. When it happened my relief was great.
I tried to go back to sleep. In the morning we rejoiced over the calmer conditions and prepared for a scuba dive, but the wind built and little whitecaps formed out on the sea. We were both nervous and decided to move on to our next destination. We left the anchorage swiftly and traveled a few hours to Isla San Diego.
I felt victorious, energized and humbled. We visited a dreamy place, pushed the envelope and tasted risk. My entire body was buzzing.
Garden Eels live in the sand. They are long, skinny, active and fascinating, as well as ubiquitous at our current spot near Isla Cerralvo. We dropped our anchor here and then looked into the water to find thousands of Garden Eels waving gently back and forth on the sandy bottom below Magic.
Of course, we soon went scuba diving under the boat to get a closer look. I mean, these eels were everywhere, how hard would it be to see them?
We descended about 20 feet. The water was clear and calm. Webs of light danced on the bottom just like a swimming pool. But there were no eels. This was very strange. Why would they be everywhere else but not right here? I swam toward a large group, waving gently in the water. When I got there they were gone.
“Oh wait, there’s a bunch of them over there”, I thought, and swam in the other direction. When I got closer every single one of them slowly withdrew into the sand. When I arrived all I saw was a field of dime sized, empty holes.
We lay on the sand at the bottom, waiting for them to end the tease and finally show themselves. We waited several minutes. Some eels were braver than others, and tiny heads began to emerge. They were still at least 6 feet away. By crawling on my hands I was able to get a little closer, but they soon retreated. Any fin kicks would send them right back into the sand immediately.
We surfaced and a couple minutes later saw them again waving wildly all around the boat, back out of their holes again, celebrating that we were gone.
Determined to get a close look at these little teases of the sea, Brian set up our GoPro camera with a scuba weight and pointed it right at one of the little holes under the boat. He got all the photos you see here, plus a great video of a puffer fish surprising the eels! Check it out here:
There I was, scuba diving next to a dark gray pinnacle in the Socorros. I hovered in place, kicking my fins gently to counteract the pushy current. I peered into a crevice full of pale yellow coral. Tiny fish fluttered around it, and then suddenly everything became dark. What was happening?
This island group is known for its large population of sharks. We’d already seen a few, so that was my first thought.
I slowly tilted my head to look up. Instead of a shark I was being pursued by a friendly, curious, Giant Oceanic Manta Ray. The huge, diamond shaped creature wanted to play and continued to glide in slow circles near the pinnacle until I gave it the attention it deserved.
With a couple gentle kicks of my fins I slowly swam up and away from the rock into open water. Now there was enough space for the 15 foot wide ray to approach me at all angles. He seemed to enjoy this, and I was mesmerized by the sight of his thick wings gently flapping as he swooped closer and closer to investigate. After a couple circles he came so close I could see his eye twitching in its socket, following my movements, with wrinkles surrounding it to give the ray the appearance of wisdom.
Sure, it would be easy to think I’m making this up about an animal that is merely acting on instincts. But mantas visited us intentionally, over and over again. They are intelligent marine animals and have the heaviest brain of all fish, with enlarged cerebellum and telencephalon brain regions. These areas of the brain may be involved in higher functions, as they are in mammals. It is easy to see from diving with them that they are curious and have distinct personalities and moods.
They were genuinely interested in us, which is rare in a marine animal. These mantas see divers often, and maybe divers are a fun part of an otherwise uneventful day. So why not say hello?
They tend to be very fair creatures, and in a large group of divers the mantas would be sure to visit each diver as they flew around. These charismatic mantas did not play favorites and instead seemed interested in meeting everyone. When we would dive with a group of two we would receive all the mantas’ attention. These dives were the best of the trip! It feels very intimate to share the water with several mantas who are playing with only you and your partner.
Mantas can swim more than 15 mph and they can choose where they want to be in the water. It felt like such an honor when they chose to come alongside me, gaze at me, and play in my bubbles.
We stayed eighteen days at Isla Benedicto, long enough to observe their moods and natural rhythms. We enjoyed seeing them in different settings and would often ride around in the dinghy near our boat to search for them. Most times we searched for them we would be lucky enough to spot a few at the surface, and often they would swim up to our dinghy like old friends before we even got into the water. We also saw them at a dive site called “The Boiler”, where mantas, sharks, lobsters, huge tuna and a multitude of fish swirled around a pinnacle at the west side of the island. The Boiler is a cleaning station where Clarion Angelfish and other fish nibble on the skin of the manta rays, removing parasites and dead skin. The mantas seem to enjoy this. We always saw friendly mantas at The Boiler and an abundance of diverse marine life. It was a spectacular site and definitely my best scuba diving ever.
The time of day made a difference in the mantas’ behavior around the anchorage. Early mornings meant business for the mantas and they swam with purpose. They would pass close to us and then continue on into the deep blue water. At these times they were usually swooping around with their huge mouths open, cephalic fins scooping plankton inside. When we saw them in the late morning or afternoon, they would often cavort around us and spin in playful somersaults. Sometimes the mantas would furl their cephalic fins into a more aerodynamic swimming position.
The mantas were especially breathtaking in the natural sunlight at shallow snorkeling depths, and would come up to swim just below me or alongside me when I was at the surface. One manta somersaulted over and over while I snorkeled right next to her. I’ve read mantas are indifferent to divers and merely enjoy their bubbles. I don’t think so. When we snorkeled with the mantas they remained just as friendly and curious.
There’s a reason the Socorros are on so many top 10 dive sites in the world lists. The giant mantas are the most charismatic, beautiful and intelligent marine animals we have ever met. And don’t forget huge! I cannot wait to visit them again.
Mantas are being heavily fished and their numbers are declining. You can help mantas by making a donation to the Manta Trust to protect these magnificent animals. Mantas are valued for their gill plates, not meat. These gill plates are prized in the Chinese medicine market. Thankfully Mexico has laws to protect mantas but many other countries do not have these laws in place yet.
These are our favorite manta photos from our recent sailing and diving trip to the Socorro Islands in Mexico!
We did it! We are back from our biggest offshore sailing and diving trip. We sailed 220 miles south of Cabo San Lucas, Mexico to the Revillagigedos, a volcanic group of islands in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. We spent 18 days at Isla San Benedicto and went scuba diving with giant pacific manta rays and also sharks.
I feel deeply satisfied we pulled off this advanced dream trip. I also feel filled to the brim with love for my husband, who gave me so much support during this journey. It was difficult at times. Sometimes I didn’t handle stress very well. The sharks frightened me at first. Sharing close quarters with family for three weeks was sometimes tense. I was shaken by a couple close calls where I felt our safety was at risk. But through it all, Brian loved me, encouraged me and helped me enjoy this amazing trip. Our relationship was strengthened by this experience, which I think is a good sign for our plans to cross the Pacific Ocean next spring to the Marquesas.
Brian and I will also forever love the giant manta rays which thrive at Isla San Benedicto. We swooned over these creatures so much we made up songs about them. You really do lose your mind a little being at remote islands for so long. We would take Christmas carols about “Santa” and make up a “Manta” version. “Manta, baby…”, “Here comes manta clause…”, etc. I’ll never forget the special times diving with the manta rays and how they would swoop gracefully around us, eyeing us curiously and coming close.
Few private boats venture to these islands. During our stay at Isla Benedicto we only saw two other private boats. We saw about a half dozen large liveaboard dive boats, and this is said to be one of the top ten diving sites in the world. It was absolutely amazing and I can’t wait to go back.
What an intense trip. My comfort limits were stretched in all directions. I watched Magic ride bigger waves than ever before and went scuba diving with aggressive sharks for the first time. We lived on the boat for three weeks with Brian’s mom Sue, and her husband, Tim. We never went ashore on the island, so for the entire 22 day trip our feet never touched land.
It was the most rewarding trip ever.
We left Cabo full of Costco provisions and headed south during the tail end of a wind event. We hoped to have about 10-15 knots for sailing. The wind had been stronger during the previous days, so we got to ride some pretty big waves in the Pacific on the way south to the islands. Our catamaran coasted comfortably and only a couple items flew off the shelves.
A small warbler visited Magic to rest and get a drink of water on the way to the islands. She was very friendly, hopped on our legs as if we were a piece of furniture and explored both hulls of the boat. She certainly made herself at home, then mysteriously disappeared sometime after the sun went down.
After a two day passage we arrived at the beautifully stark volcanic island. Tall cliffs made of jumbled gray and brown rocks formed the north side. There was no sand in sight. Pale green vegetation blanketed the steep upper slopes of the island, which is an active volcano. Its last eruption was 50 years ago, and we regularly found little bits of pumice floating in the water nearby.
We planned to anchor in a cove at the south end of the island, and thankfully there was a tiny, grey sand beach there and good holding for Magic. The beautifully curved volcanic cone rose steeply behind Magic and became a glorious backdrop during sunrise and sunset when pale pink light would paint its rippled slopes. Dark brown fingers of igneous rock reached out from the base of the cone at the south end of the anchorage. This was the wildest and most beautiful place we had ever taken our boat.
The next morning a huge Pacific Manta Ray glided by close to Magic to welcome us to the island. I impulsively jumped in the warm water with my snorkel and mask to meet this wonderful creature I’ve heard so much about. Indeed, the black and white ray was friendly and curious. It made a close pass and my heart somersaulted. It flapped beautifully in the water right past me and kept on going.
Once the manta was gone I looked around and saw a six foot long shark right below me, way too close to my bare feet and I was really not ok with that. I swam about 20 feet back to Magic, swiftly but trying not to splash, my body pulsing with adrenaline.
Brian got our reef fish identification book and we looked at some photos. We hopped in the water to peer at the shark once more. We identified it as a Silky Shark, which the book said was typically wary but considered dangerous. Hmmmm. We would grow to accept this shark as our “pet Silky” over the coming weeks, because most days it could be seen circling our boat. After snorkeling with it a couple times I was satisfied it seemed sufficiently wary, although it was always on my mind when I thought about jumping into the water to cool off.
We saw sharks on nearly every dive, usually White Tip Reef Sharks or Silky Sharks. They were usually mellow and wary, but not always. We aborted one of our dives when three Silky Sharks began showing too much interest in us. They swam around nearby for a few minutes and then one of them circled us a couple times, coming between Brian and I. Brian swam over to me and smacked the circling shark on the tail with his underwater camera, but that is a story for another day.
Our fantastic memories of diving with Giant Pacific Manta Rays will always win out over the memories of aggressive sharks. The rays were the most interesting, curious and beautiful marine animals I have ever met. We’re excited to return next year and frolic with them again.
I will write more soon. It takes time to reflect on a trip like this, to make meaning of all the wonderful and difficult events, and to process all the lessons we learned.
Next Article: Encounters with Giant Manta Rays
We stopped to enjoy an amazing dive while sailing to Cabo. We anchored near Cabo Pulmo Marine Park and went diving outside the boundary of the marine park at a cove called Los Frailles. We found a tremendous school of Bigeye Trevally swimming in graceful circles at around 20-30 feet.
Swimming through the middle of these fish was dark and disorienting, but so fascinating I couldn’t stop doing it. The school was so thick they actually blocked the light from above. Below is a short video of our dive, or click here to see the longer version.
My experiences have shown me women are mostly on the receiving end of the whole “baby can I take you (backpacking, kayaking, canyoneering, mountain biking)?”
In my many years of canyoneering, climbing and biking I have only heard of three times when a woman introduced a man to an adventure sport. Yet I see men do this all the time. They are passionate about their sport and their partner, so what could be better than combining the two?
When this goes well, it goes really well. Achieving adventurous goals fuses a couple together with a bond that is much stronger than say, going to a dinner and movie together. When your romantic partner is also your activity partner, you have created an ‘adventureship’.
A couple who defines adventure as one of their strongest connection points. People in an adventureship pursue adventures together and in the process they learn to overcome challenges and work together to reach goals.
Study this list carefully, then go off and create the adventureship of your dreams!
1. How Interested is She?
So you want to invite a lady on an adventure with you. You want it to be the first of many wonderful outings together. First she must be interested in the activity. You may have some idea about her interest level from your past conversations.
It’s best if she suggests trying it herself. Then you know she will be an enthusiastic participant. If she hasn’t brought it up you could follow up a vivid description of your latest adventure with a simple comment like “it would be great if you joined me sometime”.
See how she responds. If this doesn’t get a positive response say no more. You will get nowhere by pressuring her. Your attempts to talk her into an adventure will almost always end badly.
Simply talk positively about your activities and be patient. Describe beautiful scenery and encounters with animals. Talk about how your adventures have enhanced your life or how beautiful the stars are when you get away from the city. Give her an enticing, yet accurate view of your favored activity. Focus on the positive aspects and do not brag about how tough anything is.
2. Are You a Good Leader?
When you invite someone on an adventure in which you are experienced and they are not, you unwittingly become the leader. It’s important to recognize the role you’ve fallen into and consider how much experience you have leading others.
A good leader is organized. Create a gear list and double check you’ve packed everything. Photocopy the guidebook beforehand. Bring a map. Fill your car with gas and clean it before the adventure. Rather than tossing your gear in a pile in the backseat, take the time to place items in duffel bags or bins. Show you took the time to plan and organize before the adventure. This is the first step to building trust.
She will be trusting you to shepherd her through something about which she knows nothing. If you plan something and it doesn’t go well she will trust you less.
Never give orders or say out loud that you are the leader of any expedition. Conduct yourself with a quiet confidence and make her comfort and safety your top priority when making decisions. Show confidence in your role as leader and she will be more relaxed.
A good leader keeps a cool head no matter what happens. Blowing up or displaying your anxiety can really scare her when she’s depending on you.
Your goal for the adventure should be to share great experiences and create memories with someone you care about. Throw out any expectations about distance or speed. Instead, focus on her. Is she enjoying herself? That means you’re a good leader.
3. Pack Treats for Her
Think of a couple items you can secretly stow in your pack that will add to her enjoyment of the adventure. Extra water and food are always good. You can offer her a granola bar if she begins running out of steam or encourage her to drink some of your water if you notice she is running low. Consider packing an extra coat or some heat-producing hand warmer packs if weather is cold.
You can really make her feel special by bringing a favorite drink or a small pillow for her on a backpacking trip. If she loves a good steak, you can freeze one and pack it for the first night’s meal. She will swoon. Find out what her favorite foods are and then bring along the best version possible of these items. Fine chocolates, gourmet beef jerky, a fine bottle of wine or a carefully packaged slice of cake can be memorable treats in the wilderness.
You could even pack a small cooler with dry ice and ice cream, then have root beer floats in a beautiful location. The more effort you make the more impressed she will be, as long as you bring something personalized to her unique preferences.
4. Check the Weather
Weather will make or break your trip. Backpacking in the rain or kayaking in the wind will quickly kill her stoke for the activity. A sunny day with comfortable temperatures contributes greatly to the success of nearly any outdoor adventure. It’s essential to have good conditions for a first experience.
It is better to reschedule than to go out in questionable weather and have a less than wonderful experience. Her first impression of an activity, and how she feels while doing it, is powerful.
Always have a backup plan. What if you get to the trailhead and it starts raining? Make sure you know of a nearby restaurant or something else that will be fun for both of you. It’s easier to reschedule an adventure when you know you have a good plan B.
Be careful about just going for it anyway if the forecast is poor and she still wants to go. It’s best to express hesitation about the weather and then allow her to talk you into doing it anyway. Under no circumstances should you suggest continuing the activity in inclement weather if she is unsure.
As she takes her first “steps” in this new activity, find things she does well and praise her for them. Do not overdo it or it may seem condescending. Make one encouraging comment soon after beginning the activity and at regular intervals after that. For example, when she pulls herself up on her first climbing hold, say “very nice” or “good job”!
6. Learn Her Pace
Everyone has a natural pace and it’s rare to find two that match. Pay special attention to how your pace compares to hers.
When one person struggles to keep up with the other they will tire more quickly and have less fun. A slower person chasing a faster person is not a sustainable way to hike together. Once you determine who has a slower pace it’s best for that person to lead most of the time.
If you begin in the lead make a conscious effort to go more slowly at first and only increase your pace when she is right behind you. Encourage her gently to take the lead if you notice her pace is consistently slower than yours.
How adventurous are her current activities? Does she enjoy challenging herself?
If she’s already adventurous you can simply show her how awesome your activities are. Once she’s had a good experience she is likely to include them in her adventure schedule.
Or, maybe she is only somewhat adventurous. She hasn’t done anything similar to the activity you have in mind. Maybe she enjoys hiking but hasn’t been on a rope. She may not be super fit or confident. She may be “adventure curious”.
: having a limited amount of experience with outdoor activities and thirsting for more. The adventure curious partner’s enthusiasm can be endearing, but this person does not realize how tough glamorous adventures can be.
There is a good possibility an adventure curious lady will learn to love adventures with you. You can show her a good time in small doses. As she grows to love something and does it more frequently she will get into better condition. Soon she will be the one suggesting bigger adventures.
Begin slowly and cautiously with an adventure curious partner. The goal of the first adventure together is to leave her wanting more. The most important thing is to make sure she doesn’t feel overwhelmed. You do not want her to wonder “how many more hours until this is over?”
For the adventure curious, your first adventure together must be rated easy or the equivalent. It must be no more than two miles (or a half day).
To the experienced backpacker, an easy two mile hike to spend one night in the backcountry sounds boring. To the inexperienced, unconditioned hiker it can present plenty of challenge and excitement. It also allows an option to retreat if conditions become uncomfortable, like all your gear gets wet in an unexpected rainstorm or a foraging rodent tears your tent apart. Sometimes things just happen.
Mountain biking is hard, even if the trail is rated easy. She will probably be challenged if it is her first ride no matter which trail you choose. Do not subject her to big climbs or descents. There will be plenty of time for that later. Remember, you want to leave her wanting more. This means taking her on a short, scenic, two mile ride. This will build her confidence. You do not want her to think “how many more miles until this is over?”
Choose a trail system with loops. If she is left wanting more at the end of the first short ride you can do another short ride, also on an easy trail. Her confidence will soar when she easily completes an adventure you have planned for her, and she will trust you more when you plan future adventures.
Technical adventures like canyoneering can be intense, and the first one should be limited to a half day or less. Make sure she’s comfortable rappelling. If you’re not sure about her experience visit an indoor climbing gym together before the outdoor adventure.
Definitely don’t teach her to rappel while doing a technical canyon. What if she hates it? There she is, stuck in a slot canyon with you. Is she going to be able to ascend the rope and get out of this mess you’ve gotten her into? It’s not going to be a good day for either of you if the first rappel doesn’t go well.
Canyoneering adventures are committing, meaning you are stuck in the canyon until certain steps are taken to complete the adventure safely. Nothing is worse than being trapped in an adventure you’re not enjoying, especially while wearing a cold wetsuit.
The sport of canyoneering can have so many variables there is no way to predict all the things which could create discomfort. It’s best to keep it short and see if she how she responds. She may get cold, dislike exposure or have gear that isn’t comfortable in confining spaces. You will definitely learn a lot by doing canyoneering adventures together. Personally, I think any canyoneering date equals at least five conventional dates!
Also, planning for a half day adventure means you free up time for breaks in the sun, picnics, stolen kisses and other pleasurable moments. You can stretch out the adventure to a full day if it’s going well, or move more quickly if she prefers.
Kayaking together to a beautiful, secluded beach for a picnic lunch would be fun for a lot of ladies and a great way to introduce her to the sport. Follow the half day rule and make sure the water you choose to paddle is rated easy. The best way to introduce her to kayaking is by renting a large, stable, double sea kayak. Paddle it on a beautiful lake together on a calm day.
Paddling separate boats or paddling on a river instead of a lake could work, but consider the added risk. She could become separated from you. She could fall out of her boat and lose her paddle. Is there a road next to the river to allow retreat if things do not go well? Keep these risks in mind as you plan your trip. Try to plan the safest trip possible and avoid any unnecessary risks.
8. What if she’s much more than adventure curious? She’s a superhero!
Does she already enjoy her own adventures without you? Great! She sounds like a good candidate for an adventureship. You still need to be cautious and learn her pace and levels of risk tolerance when you plan your first adventures together.
Her expectations will be higher than an adventure curious lady. She has already planned and led her own trips and she will expect you to be prepared, organized and thoughtful about all aspects of the adventure.
She may be hard to please. Pay attention to safety and details when planning an adventure with her and you will gain her respect. A smart approach is to join an activity with her friends and be an observant participant. You will gain valuable insights into her comfort levels and pace.
For your first outing together, encourage her to take an active role in planning. In this case you are not taking a lady on an outdoor adventure. You and she are creating an experience together. A lot of the same points apply, but the length and difficulty of the adventure are more flexible. She may continue to expect you to act as the leader if you are more experienced, and she will still appreciate treats.
Please share this post so more successful adventureships begin and flourish in 2016!
Want more adventure and romance? Read about my first date with my husband, which began with rappelling waterfalls and ended with a busted van and supersoakers.